LIFE: How To Date An Ambitious Girl

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With an increase in opportunities for women, its no secret that women today are becoming more ambitious. Even pop culture is taking notice, brought to life by songs like Wale’s “Ambitious Girl” and Beyonce’s “Girls (Who Run The World).” But despite the empowerment happening, one thing is resoundingly clear, some of the prettiest, most ambitious girls are usually single. It’s rare to see a girl on the path to greatness hooked arm and arm with a guy who is also trotting down that path.

The biggest issue? Guys may want to approach these ambitious girls, but fumble and foul in more ways than one. Making assumptions that the girl is busy, and crafting their approach around this idea is the biggest no, no. Check out the list of what to do and what not to do when asking an “ambitious” girl out.

1. Don’t ask her when she is “free.”

This girl probably has a to do list filled with items longer than the hours that exist in a single day. She hates having idle time, so every second or block of time is filled with something she should be doing. So, asking her when she is free is quite frankly annoying. It hits a chord because she feels like she should never be “free” persay. In her mind free time is a waste of time. So, to ask her when she is free will never get you a straight answer and definitely won’t get her to give you any of it.

2. Be Direct

What works best is to be specific about a date and time you’d like to see her. Give a couple of options and its likely she can move something around or reschedule something in order to make time to spend some time with you. Chances are you’re busy too, so the more specific the better it is for both of your schedules.

3. Don’t Assume

If you don’t know don’t try to guess, or impose your assumptions upon her. Don’t assume she has a boyfriend and don’t assume she doesn’t have time. Assuming she is busy and not reaching out and then blaming it on her schedule or work load is not the way to go and its just another annoying trait that will make her less interested. Don’t be afraid to take charge, be aggressive, be spontaneous or surprise her even when she says she is working. While she’s not sitting by her phone waiting for you, she still wants to see you and wants to know you’re thinking of her.

4. Do your research

Don’t waste her time or yours. Know a bit about her and what she does. It isn’t hard to find out these days from just ten or fifteen mins of social skimming what she’s into. Use that when crafting the date, or during conversation. She’ll be flattered that you know a little about that last article she wrote, or her newest client she added to her roster.

5. Texting vs. Calling

There’s a time for everything and same goes for this. This isn’t high school, so chances are, she’d rather get to know you face to face rather than hours on the phone in looping convos until 3am. And, she’s probably not a texter. Sorry guys, if you text her during the work day, she’ll look at it and say to herself ‘aw let me get back to him after I finish this.’ Then, a few hours later she will remember but we all know in the text world her response time has now expired. But there is an exception here, there are some girls who still do like the all day texting and long phone calls, you’ll need to make your own informed decision when it comes to this.

6. The Grand Finale – The Date

Now if you actually make it to this point be sure to make it count. Make it something adventurous, or simply have it involve good food, good drinks and good convo. Or make it happen in a pretty setting, a park, a garden, a museum– the list of possibilities are endless, once you get to this point.

After you make it to the “other side”– from a random guy who is maybe sort of trying to talk to her, to a guy she possibly might talk to– don’t drop the ball. Following the first date, the first conversation is usually a good indication of how things went and whether or not you both click. Again, we aren’t in high school so none of that waiting 3 days thing. Dealing with ambitious girls isn’t easy. She’s not waiting for you to call her, or taker her out. She isn’t going to be a silent accessory when you go out together, she’s not dependent, or needy and she will criticize you, push you and maybe even inspire you if you let her.

So, ambitious ladies, weigh in, what have I left out? And fellas, what do you think?

6 comments


  • Jayar Moten

    All in all it sounds like ambition leaves little time or interest in romance when I read this. I think the notion that a man has to adapt to an ambitious woman’s preferences are a bit pretentious and a great example of why so-called ambitious women are single.
    I dunno, I probably would have agreed with this in my early twenties, but now, as i’m leaving my mid-twenties, it’s really about give and take. There are no real set-rules. I work two full-time jobs, freelance and have a decent personal project i’m working on yet i still find time to make a 30-minute call, or send a hello text message/e-mail.
    Also, when are you free is not really a question of when you have a gap in your schedule. It’s more of an invitation that asks “when would you like to?” Trust me, I’m not free to begin with, so me asking might be the courtesy of adapting to your schedule instead of mines.
    I think this is interesting. Younger ambitious women often share your sentiments, then they get older…and the achievement gap widens, compatible men have found that someone that makes them happy is easier to deal with than the
    ”demands” of dating an “ambitious” woman and you guys get left with scraps.
    We truly need to let go of some of these rules and guidelines. As an ambitious man, my list is quite simple: Get me, capture my attention, and be beautiful. Those three are pretty difficult to conquer but in real life, at least i’m not saying, “Call me between, 6:30-6:45; be direct in telling me what you want and take time to google me.”

    Sounds like a demanding woman who doesn’t really want a man, just wants to casually date.

    December 7, 2011
  • NESHA

    @Jayar– Thanks for commenting. Should spark a nice little discussion.

    But you’re def right, this piece is aimed at women in their early twenties, hence why I say “girl”

    Also the time thing could seem a bit off putting but didn’t mean it to be taken as so specific as in time blocks, but for the guy to have some basic idea of when he’d like to take the girl out in stead of making her decide based on “when she’s available”

    Also girls in their twenties should be dating multiple guys and having fun. The article didn’t really say anything about how to get a boyfriend…

    but either way SO glad to get the “opposing view” and for u taking the time to start this conversation. Im sure your comment will provoke a few responses. <3

    December 7, 2011
  • LaSaundra

    I dont believe that a man has to adapt to a woman’s preferences, I just believe that ambitious women have a type that does not pertain to all men.

    If you are an ambitious woman, you are probably the type of woman that knows what she want and is direct with attaining it. Your ambition probably evolved from your work ethics and it eventually carried on into your personal life. So it only makes sense that an ambitious woman seeks an ambitious man.

    Although this post may look like it is demanding, for an ambitious girl, this is asking the least. An ambitious person in general is one is is eagerly desirous to attain something, so when dating, we kind of expect the man to basically act the same way. It’s like if you want me, act like it. So instead of the, “when are you free” let it be more like a “what are you doing Friday because I want to take you out.”

    I honestly dont think ambitious girls ask for much. We honestly just like traditional manly men, the kind that take charge so that we don’t have to.

    All the ambitious girl wants is a man that acts like a man so we can act like a lady. Put our highest heels on, have the hair flowing and make every other guy jealous of YOU!

    December 10, 2011
  • Reading the last three comments has me torn. I’m also what you could call an “ambitious woman.”

    I do think the priorities of a woman need to be stated. As for me, I want to date and get married. It’s on my agenda – so that, for me would have to take precedence over how much I put into my work. Which would mean, allowing give and take – an essential relationship skill.

    For another “ambitious girl” it might be different – if she just wants to date she should know that and act accordingly.

    Love the site Nesha!

    January 7, 2012
  • Leslie

    For me, I find it kind of hard to figure out a time when this guy asks me when I’m “free” too. It’s like there’s not a time in the day, where I just sit around waiting for something to happen. I like it when a guy suggests a time and I’ll work around it.

    I REALLY like this guy who isn’t what you would call very ambitious. I mean he has two jobs and goes to school part time. Yet, he still hasn’t figured out what career he wants, he’s still undecided and he’s 25. I’ve been trying to help him decide on sometime but he keeps saying he’s not too worried about it.

    Me on the other hand, I am in school full time and have a job. Plus I’m involved in organizations and I have big goals to become a footwear designer. I’m a double major in industrial design and design management. I plan to get my PhD and start my own design firm after my footwear career.

    He always asks when I’m free, but I have to always ask him first because it’s easier to work around his schedule and it took us about 4 months to hang out. Yet, we’ve texted each other everyday for over a year. I’ve always been afraid that he thinks my drive is intimidating but I want to tell him I really like him.

    June 28, 2012
  • Marcus Glangfield

    Ok so I’ve found myself in this situation, hence why I’m here lol. I’m a very ambitious guy in my early 20′s, Im in the process of starting a sales and marketing business along with a game company, and I like this girl who is also very ambitious. She’s always studying, organizing her cheerleading group she created, working, writing, planning a non profit, and so-on. And I have found myself asking her when are you free, and of course I’ve gotten the response as posted earlier. I’m having trouble breaking past her wall since I’m working a lot and so is she. She also isn’t the texting type, or at least when it’s not urgent or related to business. How would any of you suggest I go about trying to court her?

    February 11, 2013

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